The (Almost) Naked Man

Since we’re on the topic of neighbors, let me introduce you to the one I call The (Almost) Naked Man. Let’s go with TAN Man for short. He lives across the street from me and loves gardening in the summer and spring. He also loves keeping the pavement outside his house clean. He’s an old man- I would guess in his seventies. Normally, I would support the things he does, maybe even shout an encouragement from time to time. Problem is, the guy does all this – you guessed it – almost naked.

Shirtless naked old man I could bear. An old man in an unbecoming skimpy pair of shorts I cannot. And therein lies the crux of the problem. TAN Man is like a train wreck. You have to stare at it no matter how horrendous it is. And trust me, when he bends down it gets really horrendous – not to mention inappropriate – really fast. My question to the TAN Man is … why? Why does the world need to see his in those shorts and just them? Why ruin my summer and spring? Why make me afraid of going out of my own apartment for fear of rounding the corner and running into what can only be described as a walking human leather suit?!

But the fun doesn’t stop there. No, no, that would be too magnanimous of him. TAN Man goes to the city and to restaurants in his less than appropriate outfit. I think he’s the last remaining FKK* member in the city.

*Note: The FKK (Freikörperkultur) is a German movement supporting a “free culture” and nudist people in Germany. Most people are middle or old aged and are more or less leftover hippies or people from the former communist East Germany where a more liberal approach to life was present.

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4 thoughts on “The (Almost) Naked Man

  1. Ha ha! I’m picturing a male version of Magda from ‘There’s something about Mary’ 🙂 In less clothing! I hope he’s put some trousers on in the meantime 😉

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